I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we're so committed to being not committed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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