You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
