I forgot how hot balto sounded
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
