I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
