So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
