i wish my penis had a tongue
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
