you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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