Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
