Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have post one night stand depression
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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