we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
tell me about the eggs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
