On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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