Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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