Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
