Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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