Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
