i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize