I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
