i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize