you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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