the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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