I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize