This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
