my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
