He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
