sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
