I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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