I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
