how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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