so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
