This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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