I got chris browned last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
