sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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