We won't sleep together?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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