I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
