I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
