Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
