Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
