Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
