i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
