In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize