I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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