You made me cry and you don't even care
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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