i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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