I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
