just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
