I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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