I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
