His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
