I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
