i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
