throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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