We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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