I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
