i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
