I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
