Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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