I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
