so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
