New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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