Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Buhtt sex?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
