Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
