I wanna bring you to show and tell
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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