I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Panties = found
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
