I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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