apparently the secret to your success is patron
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
