he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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