I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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