i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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