About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
